Resistance...

Wow...I was all "gung ho" about this blog stuff, and then I hit a big old wall of resistance! I have been so angry at life, frustrated at the world, feeling like my life is flying by and I am not accomplishing anything I want to do. I truly don't have a lot to bitch about by most people's standards. I have a job that pays the bills, I have a decent home, I have my health, I have a great family and friends. But I am mad. I am mad that I am alone. I am mad that I cannot find a new job and get out of the hell that I am in. I am mad that I waste a lot of time on things that aren't adding value or meaning to my life. Can we say "self sabotage"???
Hating something in your life that can take anywhere from 50 up to 80 hours a week or more (when I am traveling) is kind of significant. When I wake up and dread the day until I can "finish" and then go sit on the couch to "unwind" (code for escaping life with meaningless TV), there is a problem. When I find it is easier to stay in my home for an entire 24 hours on the weekend so I don't have to put myself out there, there is a problem. UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I wish there was a better way to scream online...
I AM grateful that I have a vacation coming starting tomorrow evening. No glamorous trip planned. Several days in my hometown with friends and family and a couple of days at a resort to pamper myself. I considered Mexico, Vegas, the Keys...but at the end of the day...or I should say RIGHT NOW, I need some time to connect to the people who mean something in my life.