I spent a lot of time today thinking about a friend of mine who was choked by her boyfriend over the weekend. He ended up in jail and she is trying to find her way somewhere with no money and no support. I had a tough time this weekend myself...I have a job that I hate and where I am discriminated against on a constant basis because I am WHITE, of all things (who knew that happened???). In addition, there is no appreciation for what I do and the expectation is that I give up a personal life and give 24/7 availability. My personal life is non-existent. Some people close to me, including my family, have disappointed recently. And yet, somehow I felt GUILTY for complaining (even if it was only to myself).
I found myself becoming resentful today, because it often seems that people judge whether or not someone's situation is "bad" enough or "tragic" enough to merit empathy or compassion. I KNOW that I have things pretty good. I live in a nice home, I make a good living, I have friends and family. But that doesn't mean I am immune to pain or to difficult times. I don't wear a badge that says "Hey, I have panic disorder and generalized anxiety order, to boot", yet I live everyday with these disorders and it's hard. I have had bad and dysfuntional relationships where I was hurt to the core. I have had other traumas which maybe at some point I will share, but I look at them as situations I can't change but have made me a stronger person.
Again, I got back to who merits empathy and compassion?? I think we all do. What is a piece of cake for one person to handle, may be devastating to another. For those that judge and say "just buck it up. you don't have it as bad as I do"...well, kiss my ass. We ALL have our crosses to bear. And some people seem to go out of their way to destroy their lives and seek out sympathy. If that is the type of attention that does it for you, than more power to you. But don't trivialize my feelings or my pain.
With that said, tomorrow is a new day and I intend to pick myself up by my stilettos and move on!
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You GO ANP and I'm right there with you! That's what I keep telling everyone, that we ALL have our crosses to bear! Just because it makes us stronger, doesn't mean it doesn't drop us to our knees from time to time. It appears that the stronger life/work/tragedies make us, the MORE people expect it from us and we are not only human, we are women, we are feelers and it sucks, it truly does.
ReplyDeleteI was talking to a wishy washy male friend of mine who kept telling me to tune people out and life because he couldn't handle it, that it does affect me, all the world around me affects me, especially work, the more we give, the more they take. When he kept compartmentalizing things and down playing situations, I simply said, you know what, if you want to remain my friend and be a part of my life, fine, if you don't that's fine too. He then told me to stop analyzing things and that EVERYTHING was FINE. I've learned that sometimes it isn't and it's okay. Sometimes I feel too much pain and it's okay, sometimes I get pissed off too much at all the BS out there and that's also okay because we are women and damn good ones at that!
Don't know your situation. But we are here to help and listen.
ReplyDeleteADP - So you won't so feel alone - thought I would pop by and tell you I am a 'newbie' to this whole "blogging about my current life" stuff too. I started a blog several months back. During the writing of that blog a former 'demon' began to rise up - I could not blog about the things that were haunting and hurting me so badly because I had invited too many co-workers, friends, etc. into my blog world.
ReplyDeleteSo last weekend I started the blog I have been longing to start for MONTHS. It is called Maggie Beth's Decade Do-Over. I am not telling you this to publize my blog!!!! - I am telling you this because of the SUBJECT of my blog. I suffered a clinical depreesion about a decade ago. I sought help from a male counselor, and the male counselor decided to seek after me. We did not have a physical affair; but calling it an emotional one would be putting it mildly. My story would make a great made-for-tv movie. Which is not my goal - my goal is figuring out how to'take back' the decade I lost - and deciding what it is I want to become TODAY!
I survived both a preditor and a decent into Hell - I survived - I am safe - I no longer have to live in survivor mode, but the truth is - the fact I have the world at my feet overwhelms me - I don't know what to do with that blessing.
I hope you will 'stop by'sometime - I have the feeling even if our situations are extremely different, we may have shared some of the same feelings. ~ I Pray You Only Peace Always ~ Maggie Beth
Thanks for the encouragement and support from everyone! I am still "learning" this blogging business, but hopefully will get the hang of it soon...and the good news is I have kept my blogging to myself for the most part...I think it will be more therapeutic that way! And I won't piss anyone off. :)
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